There can only be one baby!!!
No Soliciting
There is no better way to tell people to piss off than this sign.
That One Guy At The Gas Station
While at the gas station this morning I saw that one guy. That one guy that makes you happy that it’s daytime. That one guy you see and think to yourself, “God I’m glad there are other people around”. That guy you see that makes you happy you’re over the age of 18, which is obviously out of his sexual preference for demographics.
When I saw him I instantly thought, “Huh, that would make a great Halloween costume.” Only instead of going to parties or trick-or-treating as that guy, just sit on the porch, pants unzipped, and the bowl of candy in my lap. Instantly after I had this thought, I reminded myself that there is a big difference between dressing up as a sex offender, and actually partaking in sex offender-like activities.
Lesson from this story, Halloween costumes are a gateway. First you’re dressing up as a sex offender. The next thing you know, you’re playing the popcorn trick with a bag of candy on little 6 year old Susie. Don’t dress up as anything you aren’t prepared to turn into.
How Are You Feeling Today?
Many years ago, this is exactly what I would be feeling like on a Saturday morning after a wild Friday night. Hope your livers are celebrating your old age or lameness as much as mine today.
Miley Cyrus, It’s Destiny Calling
Give it up already Miley, Hannah Montana, or whatever your name is. Just give in and do porn already. You’re headed that way already.
Not Again!
Michael Vick apparently told someone that he owns a dog. What’s the over/under on when he gets arrested for dog fighting again?
If anyone is looking for me the rest of the night, I’ll be the one in front of the blood stain on the wall banging my head into it. Swear to god if Vick reproduces…
Vice Presidential Debate
We feel this is an accurate depiction of tonight’s Vice Presidential Debate. In fact, just add them throwing poop at each other and you have an actual picture of the debate before it happens. It’s like we can see into the future!
From Your Mouth To God's Ears 